guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
