So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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