I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
