Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize