I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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