Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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