my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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