took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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