we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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