I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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