I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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