Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
