He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
