Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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