i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
