True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
