Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
