Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
