if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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