I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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