I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
