I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
