would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
