i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
