Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
