Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize