Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
