I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
this hospital has no fireball
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
