I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize