Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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