You smell like stripper and shame
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
