don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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