he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
