Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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