she looked like the before picture.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
