Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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