Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
