Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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