strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
my liver is dry heaving
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
