have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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