time to smoke my breakfast
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
