Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
