Sorry, I don't speak sober.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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