Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
