I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
