from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
