it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
