I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
