Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
pop tarts are not kleenex
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
