So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
