I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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