Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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