i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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