So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
