the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
