did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
