one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
