chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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