Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
