His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
