I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
