I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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