David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
