she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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