If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
