watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Green mimosas i think yes
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
