dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
